I haven’t been blogging for a while. I have an excuse – I’m down a hand. Well I’ve lost the power of my right hand to be precise. Luckily I’m a citeog which means I’m left handed, so I can still do a lot of things. But frustratingly, I find it very hard to type with one hand. Ugh, the spelling mistakes and the laboriousness of it! it’s made me realise how lucky I’ve been to be able to fly around a keyboard all these years! I really, really, really need it to come back soon though or I actually will go off my rocker. I can’t be in a position where I can’t write… Agh!
I’ve got a tumour pressing on something that’s connected to my hand and so I’ve ended up with a cold tingling, floppy and useless hand. I can’t begin to tell you how difficult it is to conduct life with one hand. Everything from zipping up jeans & coats to doing buttons are all designed for two handed people. In fact the world is designed for people who can use both hands.
I’m back on chemotherapy. I had my first one last Thursday and I’ll have it every second week for a while.
I was on tablets – more parp inhibitors – and they weren’t working quickly enough. So the idea is that I’ll have some more chemotherapy to try and zap the cancer that’s there and then I’ll go back on the tablets.
I’m not sorry to be off the tablets for a bit. It always sounds easier to be on oral meds rather than IV stuff, but the reality is often different. In this case, they caused severe nausea and required very careful planning in order to take them correctly. I had to fast before and after each dose and they needed to be taken every twelve hours on the button.
All of that being said, I would take anything at any time of the day or night to survive… Rat poison at 4am? Electric shock treatment at 5am? I’d do it to get better, believe me.
So for now I don’t have to do either of those but chemo and I are buddies again. Can you cross your fingers for me that it works? Do it myself but my blasted hand won’t let me.
It’s not all doom and gloom in my world however. Our son turns eighteen this month. I can’t believe it. In ways it feels like yesterday that I was checking into Holles Street maternity hospital. Then in others, it’s a life time ago. I’m so proud of him. He’s my rock and I’d be lost without him. I’m so darn grateful to still be here to be his mum. I can only hope that I’ll be here for many more of these special milestones in his life.
It’s been really rough for hubby and the kids this past year… It’s been constant with no let up from this cancer. I have guilt that weighs over me like a stone. I wish with every fibre of my being that I could shift it so we can just live normally – whatever normal is…
The other great news is that I’ve another book coming out. It’s novel number 13 and it’s called “Letters to my Daughters.” I can’t wait to share it with my readers and I’ll have a thousand of those cringing moments where I’ll want to crawl under the bed and hide in case you all hate it. I don’t know an author who doesn’t go through those emotions! It’s a wonderful thing to have a book published and I know how lucky I am to have such an amazing team with me. But nothing will stop the nerves from kicking in! I sincerely hope you’ll all enjoy it.
The original publication date was Feb 1st, but I think that it’ll be a bit later now.
If you’re on this cancer-beating road with me, I hope you’re doing okay. It’s not easy and I know how exhausting it is. But we’ll do it together. We’ll raise two fingers to cancer and link arms and march head-on into the war. We’ll fight the good fight and we’ll show this git who’s boss okay?
I’ll keep kicking ass from my end. I hope this finds you well. I hope you’re cosy with lots of warm fires, nice comfort foods and hot water bottles.
Stay warm and maybe you’ll curl up with my book when it comes out.
Love & light & cosy fires