So things are moving. I got my chemotherapy again yesterday - so that's two weeks in a row! My bloods were good and it's all systems go for stamping all over this cancer! I'm so unbelievably grateful to be able to receive my treatment. I'm so hopeful that I'll start to see the tumours shrinking and sodding off.
When I wasn't able to have my treatment it was damn hard not to loose the rag altogether and seep down into a state of sheer panic. The feeling of failure is there too. Even though it wasn't my fault my bone marrow was being negatively affected. I mean, it wasn't because I didn't stand under a full moon, or that I didn't wear the right clothes. There's nothing I could've done to make those white blood cells form. Sadly wanting it desperately or looking in the mirror and having a stern talk with my blood doesn't change things. I'm sure lots of patients will agree that it's difficult at times to keep the chin up and accept that your own body won't do what you desperately want and need it to do. I would've given anything to get my treatment (for four weeks in a row) when it couldn't happen. But I had no choice. All I could do was wait and hope that the levels would return, that my body would go and produce enough white cells to enable treatment.
Finally last week the golden moment arrived. I was able to have 1/2 the dose. That was a damn site better than none, so I was thrilled. This week the results were even better. So much so that Sinead, one of the nurses, did a happy dance and sang to celebrate!! Yes, she's fabulous and yes I was right there with her waving my arms and clicking my fingers to cheer her on.
So the hope is that I can move up to a full dose every second week and there'll be a good concentration of chemotherapy there to stamp all over this cancer.
The tumours are still only in my neck. I also have a hideous rash to go with the lumps. So it's time to reverse this shit. It's time to give cancer two fingers and show it the door.
It wasn't invited and it's time it got the message and took a hike...
I hope things are good in your world. I hope where ever you are that your boots are walking all over anything that ails you. I find it a very satisfying image to have big heavy boots that can annihilate anything in their path...
Nobody says it better than Nancy so I'm going to let her do the singing and dancing seeing as Sinead isn't here right now!