Do you have a spring in your step? Our garden is bursting with daffodils and the pear tree is in full blossom. The pretty birds have returned and are singing and Tom the cat is trying to eat them.
It’s been a very sad time as we lost my beloved aunt Mitzi to leukaemia at the end of March. I still can’t quite fathom that she’s gone. She was a huge presence in my life from the time I was born. I know I’ll miss her forever. My cousin’s hearts are broken at loosing their beautiful Mum and I hate seeing them in such pain. But we all hope she’s a peace now. She was so sick that none of us wanted her to continue that way. I hope she's continuing to paint pictures while drinking coffee and making hilarious quips...
I know it’s not as significant, but the icing on the cake of grief came the day after Mitzi’s funeral when I found our baby puss, Tigger dead. He’d been hit by a car and laid on the footpath near our house.
It was probably like a scene from Monty Python when my brother drove up to visit. As you may already know, I live in my parent’s garden. Not exactly in the shrubbery – we built a house there.
So Mum was with me when we found him. We wrapped Tigger in a soft billowing cotton shawl and carried him back home. I sobbed so much and was so oblivious to oncoming traffic that it was a miracle I wasn’t also hit by a speeding car.
Once we'd gathered ourselves a little, we decided we would bury Tigger beside our previously deceased pets. Yes, we have a little pet cemetery under a beautiful Magnolia tree were Molly, Bolly, Millie, Minnie and Tom the first all lie.
My neck and shoulder are so sore from my current cancer bout that I was no help. So poor Mum was chief digger. The ground was as hard as a rock and it became clear that it wasn’t going to be manageable with the shovel we’d found. Leaving Tigger there for a moment, we made our way onto the driveway intending to head to the shed looking for a pickaxe to break up the compacted soil.
That was the moment my brother arrived to witness both of us bawling as Mum dragged a shovel in her wake.
Screeching to a halt he jumped out looking stricken.
My brother prefers cats to most people and was instantly devastated about poor Tigger. He kindly dug a grave and we laid my beautiful marmalade furry baby to rest.
When we got over the initial shock of it all, there was a moment of shaky and mildly hysterical laughter as my brother admitted he feared Mum and I had finally lost the plot when he saw us howling with a shovel.
I hope Mitzi is having coffee and cake with all our departed loved ones and that she’s petting Tigger and letting him sit on her lap and give her nudgy kisses because he loved that.
I’ve been in severe pain as my cancer has taken hold in several places around my head, neck and shoulder. I’ve been waiting for a new drug to arrive while pumping myself with painkillers. I can't sleep and I'm in agony no matter what I do. My doctor and care givers have been amazing but we were all beginning to despair when - finally - yesterday the wait was over. My magic tablets arrived yesterday!
The side affects are similar to chemotherapy in so far as they will probably cause nausea and can deplete white blood cells. But they're meant to be the bee’s knees and the cat’s pyjamas when it comes to killing my cancer. This drug is specifically indicated for the eradication of triple negative breast cancer that has been brought on by the Brca1 gene. It’s such a good match for me, that it’s literally a Godsend.
I’m only a day in and so far I feel very sea sick and pretty wobbly, but astonishingly the pain is already easing. I am in no doubt that it’s not going to be plain sailing. But I am incredibly lucky to have a treatment available that will potentially make me better. I wish with all my heart that there could’ve been something available to save Mitzi. I wish every cancer patient could get better. I admit I’m struggling with the guilt that I have an option and Mitzi didn’t…
But I also know that I cannot waste the chance I have to keep going. I will battle on and try to embrace all the good things I have in my life.
It’s hail stoning outside as I type this. Tom (the second) my faithful elderly puss is lying on my bed and Herbie our goonish but very loveable golden-doodle is by my side. I know I’m warm and cosy and safe.
I am hopeful that next time I post up here that I’ll be feeling more like myself. I’ve been floored for the past few weeks and I haven’t been able to work or even write much. It’s been very tough and I am so grateful for the support my family and friends have shown.
I am more than ready to dust myself off and rise from the ashes.
It might be hail stoning right now, but Spring has sprung and I am certain that the sun will shine again.
Mind how you go y’all and remember that life is very precious. We only get one bash at it. So dance as if the whole world is watching!
Love and light