The sun is shining and I can see the twinkling deep blue sea as the early morning haze promises a stunning day ahead.
So, I had scans and they confirmed what my medical team and I suspected. The nasty tablets haven't worked. So all the sickness, dizziness, headaches and general misery sadly weren't yielding much. So we've all decided that it's time to stop them (hurray) and go for some chemotherapy.
I am probably in the minority when I tell you that I'm ecstatic at the thought of it! The pain in my right shoulder and neck are excruciating. I'm eating nerve blockers and pain meds like smarties. I'm very restricted with what I can do because of the pain. I am swollen and starting to resemble an American football player as my own built-in shoulder pads expand by the day. Fluid, swelling, tumours and itchy skin aren't making me look or feel my best.
There's nothing attractive about cancer and right now I'm feeling about as ravishing as a rabid dog. God bless my hubby (we'll be 18 years married on June 4th) I'm thinking of buying him a black out eye mask so he doesn't have to look at me!
But enough moaning and feeling sorry for myself - the news is good. I'll be having a mixture of two drugs, my old pal Avastin along with Cisplatin. There's a lot of fluids required as Cisplatin can be mean and nasty to the kidneys, so the answer is to 'flush'. So I've been in hospital since yesterday being 'flushed' with a saline drip. Before you do the head tilt to the side and think, ah God love her... I've read magazines, had my dinner handed to me and even got a bit of writing done.
I know I'll suffer the usual side effects that come free with chemotherapy. But once I get the pattern of this drug, I'll manage. The tablets I was on were hideous. The nausea was constant and there was zero let up as I was on them continuously. So intermittent sickness, no matter how bad, will be preferable. Quite frankly, the side effects are the least of my worries any way. I'll deal with them and I have a great team here minding me. My main focus is on the fact that this cocktail promises to kill the cancer. After that, nothing else matters.
There are all sorts of plans for tablets afterwards too. Ones that can stop the cancer from coming back. There are so many exciting things happening in the world of cancer and I know I am privileged to be party to that.
I hope it's sunny where you are today. I know I've got a tough but utterly worthwhile day ahead. I'm ready willing and able and I hope to be back here soon reporting some good news.
Bring it on!
Love and light